Grumpy Free Poem

Warning: This poem is not suitable for Grumpy people...

I could be totally wrong, but it seems very much to me like some folk have made a national sport out of being very grumpy.

If we held a grumpy Olympics the Brits would surely win.

Grumbling and groaning and moaning and winging at every little thing.

I know a certain lady, who shall at this point remain nameless, who updates me on her health on a regular basis.

Whatever is goign round, she's always worst afflicted.

And if grumbling was a drug. I tell you she's addicted.

There’s too much blood in her blood cells, and not enough meat on her bones.

She’s rushed off her feet but flat on her back with gout, gangrene and gallstones.

My problem is I am too nice, I should tell her to just go away, but I listen to her intimate issues over coffee and cake every day.

The description of her loose bowels has left me feeling quite sick, and I’ve suffered some detailed descriptions of her difficult front bottom bits.

She’s just far too busy counting her woes to be very aware of her blessings.

I know that she likes the attention but it’s all getting rather depressing.

While all over the country the truly sick are just simply getting on with it.

I’ve listened to people winging, “It’s not like it was in my day” like jumping into a time machine would wipe all our troubles away.

Wahay, let’s reintroduce the bubonic plague, pull teeth with no anaesthetic.

Let’s take everything we’ve ever learned and do all we can to forget it.

Truly this world is imperfect and improvements we do need to make.

But we have sticky buns and flapjacks and muffins and Battenburg cake!

Grumpy people never tip, say thank you or buy any flowers.

They write letters to local papers and point at their telly for hours.

I suspect they bath in the evening and complain that the water’s too wet, then practice their miserable faces while thinking of things they regret.

I’d send those grumpy people gifts of Fabulous Bakin' Boy’s Stuff, but being such grumpy people, they wouldn’t appreciate them enough.

Oh come on people ditch your frowns and join us in being happy!

Dance in your gardens, kiss your friends and save up a hug for your granny.

Being grumpy makes you old and all your hair will go grey.

You can worry about tomorrow but it will go ahead anyway.

So, I recommend cheerfulness as the disposition for every season.

You’ll be surprised how natural it feels to be happy without any reason.

Happiness is a natural state and one that we all should observe.

So let’s ban all those grumpy buggers and take back the joy we deserve!

By Alison Brumfitt - Official Bakin' Bard